People who make life better
By simply existing
I was originally going to write this piece from the negative perspective—as in “people to avoid in life”—but the thought left me feeling less grateful, less happy, and flooded by memories of unpleasant interactions from the last twenty years. Screw that! So I’m writing this piece (for my own sake and yours) as a celebration of the people who make life better, just by existing. Also, my good friend (writer Christine Sharp) is having one of many more birthdays next week, and I’ve decided to dedicate this piece to her!
Thanks for being my friend, Christine! And happy, happy birthday! :)
And, now, onto a short-long list of people who qualify as hidden gems and should get more love—in my personal experience and in no particular order.
People who like you and, um, show it?
This should go without saying AND YET, how many times do we chase after friendships and relationships where the other party doesn’t call back, text back, or reciprocate? I recently entered my mid-thirties and only wish I had as little time for such one-sided situationships (yes, this can apply to friendships) in my twenties. The uphill battle of getting someone to be (mildly) interested in you steals undue shares of time and energy from friendships that would otherwise be more fulfilling and meaningful, and certainly easier. Seek and maintain reciprocal relationships, where people are truly delighted to be around you. You will know it when you feel it!
People who tell the truth—with grace.
Another kind of person that I cannot get enough of. The truth is unpleasant to hear but it can be even more unpleasant to say, so someone who can do so with self-awareness and a spoonful of sugar is literally priceless. Telling the truth requires courage and can indicate a willingness to risk the comfort in a relationship, for the betterment of the other party. I can’t tell you how many times a simple comment about something I’ve said or written has revealed a weakness in my thinking and shifted a decision. A kind truth-teller can save you.
People who would rather connect than compete.
We’ve all been there: She asks what to bring to dinner, then shows up with something to rival your main dish, and loudly demands that the entire party compliments it. She asks for the dress code then flouts it flagrantly, so she is the only one wearing a sequined mini-dress. She calls to find out what you’re doing, so she can highlight the comparable activities in her life. You get a job in finance, she takes up mining Bitcoin. You get your first apartment, she talks about getting into real estate and owning apartments. You buy your first nice purse, she talks about her intention to buy Chanel. Some of it might be true and a lot of it can’t be, but it is all nonsense. Exhausting nonsense.
Keep the people who trust to celebrate your success, truly mourn your losses, and to whom you can extend the same goodwill.
People who can handle themselves in any situation.
You don’t often realize how important manners are in your twenties, because no one is really expecting people in their twenties to have it together. You’re still “playing,” still rattling around in that extended childhood endemic to late-stage Western societies. But, at around age thirty, people start picking and choosing more, sussing out whether they can invite you to a company party and know that you won’t wrap up the evening by dancing on a table. Having friends with the sense to know what’s appropriate (and when) are not only pleasant, but necessary as you get older. We’ve all heard tales of someone’s party guest hitting on the married boss or insulting the host; with friends who have developed social sensitivity, that need not be your lot!
People who say, “Everything is going to work out!”
My boyfriend, Charles McDonald, is committed to the belief that everything is going to work out, and I have finally begun to adopt the same attitude. It doesn’t mean you don’t do anything to bring your goals to life, or let your life collapse around you. You simply assume the best possible outcome in every situation, stop worrying, and forge ahead. People with this mindset are easy to be around, and don’t leave you feeling exhausted by the potential negatives in a situation. They inject a steady calm and sense of assurance into every interaction, and we could all use a bit of that these days!
This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it was what came to mind the moment I decided to write this piece, no doubt because I am blessed by some amazing people in my own life. I certainly enjoyed writing it and I truly hope you enjoyed reading it, and maybe that you give these kinds of people a bit more appreciation this week. :)
With love,
AIAL
ASHLEY. Thank you for being all of these things. You’re a rare soul, and a gift to know.
Preach!