[BLOG] The Invisible Cross

There is no threshold for suffering.

When I was younger, I often thought that I was born to be sad.

But why? I wasn’t raised in difficult circumstances and I grew up in a fine faith community. I was fortunate enough to do ballet, music, art, and I was never without educational opportunities. I had one narcissistic/disordered immediate family member and I am still working through some of the damage done there, but my childhood was hardly an L.A. social worker’s Tuesday afternoon. Yet I spent most of my teens depressed and my twenties were not much better.

I’ve often asked myself and God, But why? You might relate.

I recently read (and highly recommend) a wonderful book called “Suffering Is Never For Nothing,” by Elisabeth Elliot, the famous American missionary whose husband, Jim Elliot, was murdered by the very people he was trying to save. He and four companions were speared to death within fifteen minutes of landing in native territory. Their wives were miles away, and didn’t know they were dead for five days. His daughter wasn’t even two years old. Imagine.

The story doesn’t end there—Elisabeth then went on to live among/serve her husband’s murderers for sixteen years, return to the States, remarry twice (her second husband also died), and become a prolific author. That is enough for an hour-long review, but I want to focus on something she establishes at the very beginning of this short yet significant book.

What counts as suffering? Is there a threshold?

You might think that someone who had experienced this kind of very evident suffering—two prematurely dead husbands—would have a very narrow view on the topic. And that her writing might feel a bit distant. But I can honestly say this is the first explicitly Christian book I have ever read that made me think, Whatever she has, I want it.

Elisabeth simply defines suffering as, “Having what you don’t want and wanting what you don’t have.”

What a beautiful and gracious definition. What a balm to the person who struggles but finds it hard to explain or justify why, who carries the invisible cross—the suffering you are dealt that no one would ever guess, that even you might feel is unearned. You may not have buried a child, been diagnosed with cancer, or lost everything in a flood, you may not have been cheated on, beaten in childhood, or homeless at any point in life, but there is no point in judging your suffering. There is only accepting it for what it is and moving forward.

Getting through anything in life requires that we identify its lines and edges, know where and what it is. Denying your suffering denies you and God the chance to perform the mystical alchemy that turned darkness into light, water into wine, blindness into sight, and an unjust execution into The Resurrection.

Always remember that Christ cried out on the Cross.

So for those of you who minimize your pain, the first step towards redeeming it is to accept it, regardless of the why/what/who/how and regardless of the world’s judgments. I hope you can. I hope you do. I am learning to do it myself.

Remember that everything is always working out for you.

With love,

A.I.A.L.